You have to believe that the nation's 8-year prosperity prior to W's administration was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George H. Bush, but that today's growing deficit and rising gas prices are all Clinton's fault.
You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
You have to be against government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.
You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives,yet you want government to regulate only opposite-gender marriages and what your official language should be.
You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.
You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.
You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations should have no regulation or interference whatsoever.
You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and ex-President Clinton.
You have to believe that society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.
You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50 million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents have ever been unfaithful to their wives.
You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans.
You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.
You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.
You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that Europe doesn't exist.
You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go away.
You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading and right on the mark.
You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.
You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all, the rich can afford to buy their own art and the poor don't need any.
You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.
You had to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich,Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that bastard Clinton should have been impeached
It's Ok for the media to mysteriously slid over Dubya's $850,000 Harken stock sale (while a member of the company's Audit Committee yet) and his desertion from the Texas Air National Guard but hang that lying Clinton for denying he had consentual sex.
OK I don't know which was first but here's their take on it!
...But if you want to be a GOOD Democrat, there are some prerequisites you must have first. Compare below and see how you rate.
You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S.nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.
You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.
You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but activists from Seattle do.
You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.
You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.
You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.
You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.
You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
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